hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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