my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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