If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
