There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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