That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
