Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize