i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
