she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize