You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize