Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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