Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
