I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
