I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
