my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
