We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
