You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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