The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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