Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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