And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
