I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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