I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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