I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
