im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize