So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
