id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
