I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
