one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
