nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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