Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
