Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
