Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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