I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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