i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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