apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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