No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
