I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
