fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
