I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
wow bdsm is so cute
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