fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
