So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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