btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
