my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
