Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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