she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
