and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
