Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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