Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
