You're earring is so big in my mouth
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
