Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
