Your tits are I can't wait for
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
