The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
