I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
