the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
