dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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