get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
