So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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