fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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