Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just forgot I was standing up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
