I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
