its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
