Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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