we're blogging at a bar
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
