i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
