Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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