My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
