its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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