True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize