Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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