Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I cut my penus on the lid.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
so much tequila, so little girl.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
