We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
