I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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