The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
