she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
