I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
