he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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