Sry I called you an 8
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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