am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
