i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
