Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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