Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
