you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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