He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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