He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize