He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
