You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
