I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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