I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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