she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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