i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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