the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
