Buhtt sex?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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