There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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