is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
