Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
